By Larry Puls: The Journey of Coco @Larrypulsauthor
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| Ovarian Cancer; Life with Cancer |
Coco gazed blindly out the window while the drops of rain clouded her view. The trees passed by in a
blur and a thousand thoughts swirled around in her head. It was difficult to concentrate on any one thought. Confusion stifled that concentration. The rabbit
trails abounded, leaping across her mind, forcing every facet of her life to be visible in just seconds. Her eyes shifted down towards her lap when it all became too overwhelming.
Her head shook. Reflections of her conversation with her physician now barged in and consumed her. It seemed unavoidable. But then she convinced herself she couldn't go there--at least not now. So, she opted to shift her focus to a happier subject--her daughter.
Kate, her oldest, was only four months from her wedding
date. The young man she had chosen was a delight—a true virtuous man. Then like an interruption, her mother-of-the bride
dress flashed into her mind. Maybe it
will need to be refitted… Maybe it won’t. She couldn’t resist a silent
laugh. And then all the wedding plans and dates streamed through her organizing mind like
a ticker tape. Every hope she clung to about the pending wedding day festivities said she had to
remain engaged with her daughter while the planning process was still ongoing—even
it was tainted by whatever was coming on the horizon. A feeling of resolve now
welled up and pervaded her. Determination grew. What would it be like to walk
down to the front of the church wearing a wig? I will not let that ruin my daughter's day! Maybe I will be a redhead, smirking.
She made the decision right then and there, that this cancer would not destroy
this precious time where she could walk side by side with her only daughter. It
would not control her life—at least not all of it.
And then the idea of grandchildren popped into her mind. I want to see them. She was hoping for
some—or maybe a lot. She wanted them—and the sooner the better. But then
questions appeared inside. Would she get to know them? Would she get to wrap
her arms around them or converse with them? The hope for these yet unformed,
unnamed, unconceived grandchildren had been growing ever since her Kate had
made the announcement of her engagement—and the cancer made that hope grow even
faster. She would step into this foray with all the fortitude she could muster.
“Is everything ok?” she heard with a quiet tone.
Turning her head, she saw Mike. A smile spread across her
face. Something about that man brought a calmness to her. He always had—like he
could fix anything. Could he fix this? Maybe, maybe not. But even if he can’t, she
was certain he would walk with her through everything—good and bad. She was
happy about that—and happy how he had stayed with her during the last three trying
days in the hospital.
“I’m fine,” thinking back on the day they met so many years
ago. Almost thirty years had come and gone since they walked down the aisle. A vivid
remembrance of the day her father walked her down the center of that church
back in Georgia. It had been a cool fall day—a day that changed her life
forever—in a glorious way. This man had been by her side through all the good
days and all the testy days. But then, as she pondered the cancer, he had never
been by her with something as large as what she was facing now. Health had
been so easy up to this point. But the words percolated up, when he had said:
“In sickness and in health.” She believed those words. A peace washed over her.
“I love you Mike.”
“Sometimes I'm not sure why,” chuckling.
“Sometimes I'm not sure either,” smiling at him. “But I want to
thank you for staying with me.”
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